Recently, I’ve been thinking. As in me, Massie Elizabeth Block, has been thinking. I’ve been thinking about where I belong…
I lived in Westchester, New York for most of my life. I didn’t know the world outside of New York, Milan, United Kingdom, and Croatia. I knew the East Coast like the back of my hand. I grew up among my best friends. I never spoke to anyone else and I pushed myself in establishing me, as immediate alpha of the Pretty Committee. I never noticed the toll it took on my friends and I. How much we fought over the stupidest things. Things that are irrelevant, you know? Lame power-hungry things. I craved power. You know how you have a hunger for certain foods? Well, I guess power was mine. Fashion was Alicia’s. Dylan’s was being skinny. Kristen’s was excelling at everything but, power since that was mine. Claire’s was fitting in. Layne’s was annoying everybody. And, Chelsea’s was out-growing her mother and Serena’s shadow. I guess now that I have put my life in Westchester behind me, I’ve noticed what I did wrong in my friendships with the PC. On the outside, we looked perfect. But, what people didn’t know was that on the inside, we each were battling a certain hunger that overlapped another’s hunger. My power overlapped Alicia’s fashion. Each of us wanted to be accepted socially, physically, and mentally. As I look back on my life in Westchester, I wouldn’t change anything because it brought me to where I am today. I’ve been searching my whole life for the one place I belong.
When I first moved to Laguna Beach, California; I was scared beyond reasonable doubt. I continuously thought about how I worked my whole life to get to be alpha of Westchester. I knew moving would cause extreme lost and fear of losing what was once my life. I didn’t know what to expect. I never persuded the West Coast. I know I talk about each Coast as two completely different countries. I only do that to separate the different places.
In Laguna, most of the people have lived here their whole life. But they seem to understand, how I lost my life in Westchester once we left. As soon as I set foot on that plane, you mind as well say that all my friends said good-bye to me. It was like I was no longer relevant in their lives. I mean I hear from them time and time again but, it’s never the same. They completely transformed into people I don’t even recognize.
The move has put an emotional toll on me. But, now I sit here typing this post realizing that California is my safe haven. You hear people talk about Safe Haven’s all the time. I just never knew what they meant by them. A Safe Haven can be defined as a place where one can go or be at to protect them from the cruel outside world. My Safe Haven would have to be Laguna Beach. People here have welcomed me with open arms. No one in Westchester, would have done that for me.
As I move on from Westchester life, silence, life, and lost consume me. I’ve lost all faith in rekindling any friendships because I never realized how terrible they were. The Babes, are there for me 24/7. Tegan is there for me 24/7. No one has ever heard my silence quite this loud.
Moving to Laguna Beach, has given me strength and vulnerability that I would have never of developed. I’ve learned to be kinder to people. That power isn’t everything. That it isn’t hard to find people who care about me. That people you can rely on are everywhere. That family is important. That trials and tribulations happen for a reason. That one end is another beginning.
There’s only a few people in Laguna that I have met. But those few people have given me a sense of security. Its caused me to find love and friendship. I have relied heavily on myself then, others in previous times. But now I look to others for advice. For guidance.
In the process, I’ve found love. There’s only one thing that I want to do. I want to love Tegan as much as he loves me. I want to be there for him like he is there for me. I want to support him. I want to hold onto him and never let him go. I guess, that’s why I’m going to become a Roxy Girl. It’s all because of him and his support. Without him, I’d be lost in Laguna. He’s helped me get over Landon. He made me realize that there’s no sense in dwelling on the past. Or waiting in Landon. He’s made me figure out where I want to be… That one place is with Tegan and the Babes in Laguna Beach, California; My Safe Haven.
I’ve found a place of where I belong…. And, with that its time to forget the past…
Surf & Sand;
1) I hope you like this post! Its something different. Let me know if you want more.
2) If you guys like this post, I will consider doing an ’emotional’ post once a month!
3) Updated my blog for Spring! Like the new Header and bg?
4) Going to update and possibly add more pages soon!
5) I’m still looking for a Carlie so please apply!